What grownups never told me

Grownups never told me that an adult can feel lost. They never told me that I could find myself at 21 not sure of what to do. I was supposed to turn into a swan, that’s what they all said, so why am I still an awkward duckling?

Grownups never told me that finding friends would be so tough. They never told me why I should have friends, just that I should. They never said that friends could be your second family. Grownups never said either that there would be people who would want to hurt me. They never said that being nice and kind would not always be enough.

Grownups never told me what boys would be like. They never said that temptation could be sweeter than the sweetest chocolate. They said boys will want one thing and one thing only, they never said that I may want it too.

Grownups never told me what alcohol would be like. They said that it was bad, just like drugs, cigarettes, and boys. They never said that being drunk can be the best feeling in the world. That just by drinking some throat-burning liquid you could let your inhibitions go. They also never spoke of the reason why I shouldn't drink too much. I had to find out myself what a hangover feels like and how bad your stomach and throat feel after it all comes back up.

Grownups never told me why I should believe in God. They taught me about God and his son, they taught me about right or wrong but they never gave me a reason to believe other than because I was supposed to. Grownups never talked about their own struggle with faith in their life. They handed me a conscience and I was left feeling guilty for not understanding, for not getting it. They never said that it would be all right if I had doubts. I was supposed to believe or be damned to an eternity in hell.

Grownups never told me that being different would be accepted. They said that I should be myself, but a version of myself that is like the others.

Grownups didn't say that it would be all right to want something more than a husband, a house, 1.7 children and a pet. They told me to find a career but put it in reserve once I start a family. They always told me that family comes first; they never suggested that there could be an absence of such family. Grownups never told me that I had a choice on the family I want; they made me believe it was just the natural way of life.

Grownups never told me the many different families that could exist. They never said anything about the different couples, the different sexuality. They never mentioned that love is love no matter who gives it and receives it. They never talked about the strength of this emotion or about how weak it may leave you if you give it to the wrong person.

Grownups never said that the grownups themselves might fail me. That the trust I gave so freely might come back and slap me in the face. Grownups never let me know that they were anything less than perfect. I had to find out the harsh truth on my own. They never said that they were not superheroes; they never said that they had no super powers. I had to find out about their lack of powers the same way I found out about Santa Claus and the tooth fairy, by stumbling upon the truth.

Grownups never said a lot of things. They never said that I was allowed to make mistakes. They never said that I was a human being and therefore by default I would mess up. They never said that although my age would make me an adult in the eyes of the law, I would still feel like a little child, lost and in need of guidance. Grownups never thought to give me a heads-up on the hurdles ahead instead let me stumble through in search of myself, collecting all kinds of scars, mementos, and quirky people just like me.

The Doll House

They where in the kitchen looking at each other yet their glassy eyes not really seeing. A family of five, the mother, the father, 2 boys and a little baby girl. They also had a dog and a cat. They lived in a lovely house and had everything they needed. The children had their toys, the mother had her wardrobe filled with clothes and the father had his couch in front of the TV. Even the animals had their bowls for food and water. Everything was good, everything was perfect. Not even the eye staring at them from the window disturbed them. Even when their front wall was opened and a large hand approached the father all was good. They all kept their Cheshire cat smile. The large hands manoeuvred them to a room on their own, the children in the bathroom to get washed, the baby in the cot for it was bed time for her, the woman in front of her mirror giving her perfect blonde hair hundred strokes to keep its shininess and the man in their personal bathroom shaving off his beard.

Then they are all placed at the table where they were offered a shiny plastic turkey with even shinier vegetables as a side-plate. And they ate in silence as the eye watched them like a god.  When finished the mother was placed by the dishwasher, the children in bed and their father on the couch. Everyone was where they should be and soon the mother joined the father on the sofa at the other end of the room and finally they where sent to bed, and the large hands closed their wall and left them to join her own game of happy families.

And inside the house the dolls start shifting slowly. The woman and man looking opposite directions. The smile, ever perfect, stamped on their faces. While outside the shouting began followed by crying and silent sobbing until the house was silent as the habitants of both houses got lost in their own dreams. For both acts where played by strangers connected only by their puppeteer.