The essence of writing

People ask me what is it that I write about? Why do I write? Why do I like it so much? And for people who don't write, the real answers to those questions will leave them with a blank face. Then they'll laugh awkwardly and back away slowly. Other writers don't ask these questions. They might ask you if you're working on something right now, but that's as much as it gets.

How do you explain that you start writing without knowing what you're going to write. That you plan one story and end up with a totally different one. How can you explain that the characters in your story are sometimes more real than the people walking around you? That they seem to have a life of their own and make decisions regardless what your plan was, just like teenagers.

Why do I write? Writing is not a decision. It's a need, a deep internal urge to satisfy my mind and give it some peace. No one asks why do we breathe, it should be the same with writing. I don't write to be liked, I don't write to be famous, I write because if I don't I would go mad. I won't come up to you and tell you my problems because I feel like that is unnatural, but I will put my anger, disappointment, happiness in words on a paper or a computer. I may not show them to anyone, but I feel better, because they're not bottled up anymore.

Why do I like writing? I don't always do. Sometimes I'm frustrated and angry because I can't write. Sometimes I curse the moment I "decided" I wanted to write. But writing most of the time seems to be the best thing I'm good at, the only thing I'm good at. I'm not good with feelings. I'm shy and akward. I steer away from fights because I claim I am a peaceful person. I'm not extraordinarily funny, just a bit sarcastic and not a people person. So writing is my only option. It's the only thing I feel "cool" at, if I do.

And a side note, when you find me staring at something or some place it's not because I'm sad or I'm a weirdo usually it's just my mind trying to solve some problem I came up with in my writings. Maybe I got stuck in one of my stories or I'm planning the next blog. So yes sometimes you'll see me look like a loved one has died, or smile for no reason, and that's not because I'm a nutter, it's because at that moment I'm no longer Shyan but I'm another person totally, a character, a fiction, a reality in another dimension.

But how do I tell the muggles such things? Instead I give a vague answer about what I write about, I say I write because I love reading and I'm pretty good at English and I like it because, well just because. When they ask me what I'm thinking of I tell them nothing just staring into space. And they smile and think they understand, and I smile back knowing they haven't. But that's ok, I don't need others to understand me, I just need to write.