I'm turning
twenty in two days time. 20. Two decades. I will not be called a teenager
anymore. I'm an adult now. Oh shit.
When you're
younger you think that twenty is something very far away. And as a little girl
I thought I would have conquered the world by now. Well we can all say that
that plan didn’t work out!
And for
twenty years I can't say I have a lot of success to show for it. I mean apart
from the years I spent in nappies and following that potty training where are
my accomplishments? I have O'levels, ECDL and A'levels but everyone has those.
I have an expired first aid certificate. I have a quite a few unfinished
stories and an unfinished book. A year at university in a course I hated. Hair,
which I can't remember its original colour, and approximately the same height
since I was fifteen. I've basically never been abroad (I mean seriously who
counts a day in Sicily as being abroad?). I don't have a license and I'm half
way through another first year in University. And the only thing I'm using out
of all this is my x2 timetable for my very tough and mind boggling work at
Tal-lira.
That's not
much is it. I mean you'd think you would have accomplished more in twenty years
for fuck's sake! But maybe I did. I don't have a gazillion of certificates. The
only kind of identification I have is my I.D. which still has a big fat 16+ on
the side because I'm too lazy to go and change it. But I do have memories. I
have a huge library of them. I have a collection of laughter, tears, happiness,
anger, disappointment, pride. I'm surrounded by very special friends. I have a
family who loves me. People who seem to think I'm worth keeping in contact
with. People who trust me with their secrets, who have shared their best and
worst moments with me, who seek my advice. People who make me think that maybe
I'm not such a failure after all. People without whom I wouldn't be who I am
today. People without whom I would be still a little lost ugly duckling.
That said it
doesn't mean I'm anywhere near being a swan. But I do know I've changed. I've
gained more confidence. I can defend myself. I'm no longer the quiet girl
everyone forgets about soon after they met. I'm still not a social butterfly
and at this stage I've accepted that I'll never be one. But that’s not a
disappointment. I'm surrounded by great people. I may not know everyone but I
do know the people I care about well.
I have scars
left from bad experiences. I have numerous of embarrassing moments, most of
them having booze as a protagonist. I have memories which leave a warm feeling
in my heart. I have gained enough confidence to start this blog. I have aims
and projects and plans. I look forward to my future without being scared. I
have the weapons needed so that in another decade I won't say I have nothing to
show for it.
So no I
don't have any concrete accomplishments to show. There are no certificates
attached to my life CV. But that doesn't mean I've wasted twenty years of my
life. It's just means I've been preparing for the rest of my life.
I guess that's not so bad after all.
