the invisibility cloak

Sometimes this place gets to me. The provinciality of it. The predictability. The conformity. The religion. The harsh language. The  people. The traditions. The weather. The humidity. The lack of privacy.

Sometimes I would like to go somewhere and do something crazy without being scared that there will be someone who recognises me or that I will reencounter the people there. Sometimes it's nice to be invisible. To walk around in a place where no one knows your name. You have no history and people will judge you on what you look like and how you act not on who you know and what you were. Sometimes it would be good to take a plane and start over again. A clean slate. No baggage.

I could be anyone I want and no one would ask questions because they wouldn't know better. No one would ask me why I am quiet, or if something's wrong with me, or why I'm all noisy and boisterous. No one would know if I take up a new personality and act a character. I could invent a character in each city and no one would be surprised.

I would like to be in a place where not being religious is no big deal. Where not fitting in the crowd is not a big deal. Where I don't have to pretend. I would like to go somewhere where I could disappear in the background without someone pulling me out of the corner. Where I could analyse the human relationships and investigate more. Where I could watch the popular girl, the filled-with-hot-air guy, the socially awkward girl, the shy guy, the oblivious-to-the-world couple. And I could see how this play is acted out without having to read my lines.

It might be a coward's life but it's a life I occasionally yearn for.