8.27.2014

I shut up. I shut down.

I numbed my feelings to the world. I ignored the things that annoyed me because it felt like I wasted to much energy. I silenced myself, my voice, my words.

I shut up. I shut down.

I took a break from feelings. I needed a break from feeling helpless, hopeless and useless. I took a break from sadness, regret, pain. But inadvertently I took a break from happiness, hope and faith. And no I don't have I don't have religious faith. But faith that books, and films, and art and music can really bring a change in the world. Faith that what I'm doing, although will probably never give me job security, can possibly help someone, cheer someone up, brighten their day, bring hope in their world.

All I had left was anger, resentment and cynicism.

I stopped writing. I sit down and stare at my writing journal. I jot down mediocre notes about topics I used to argue vehemently about.

I gave up. I stopped fighting. I lost my voice.

I shut up. I shut down.

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