5.07.2013

The one were she says sorry for being away for so long


So yes I'm trying to mellow you guys a little by mimicking the title to the episode titles of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. Am I forgiven yet?

Well I could go on about how I've been stressed and busy and all that but in truth it's just bullshit. Not that I haven't been busy or stressed but it wasn't the reason for not writing. I didn't write because well I didn't have anything to write and because I didn't want to write and because I felt that nothing I wrote would matter so I just didn't write.

So yeah I've been stuck in a funk for quite a while. And part of that included my reluctance to write. In a world filled with so much talent and competitiveness a person like me struggles very much. It's not so hard to believe that there are others that are so much better than you. Easier still to believe that you'll never be worth anything. That your works are so mediocre they can't be called amateur's work and that the paper containing your words isn't worth using as toilet paper.

I've been struggling and losing hope. I could say it's just a phase, but that's what the vet said about my dog's nibbling habits and it's been two years and he's running around with my sock in his mouth while I'm writing this, so I'm kind of scared of phases.

 But I know I need to get out of this self built cage. Fear. That's what this cage was built with. Fear and self-doubt and low self-confidence. With a handle only I can touch and a lock only I can break.

So well sorry. Sorry for not writing. And I'm sorry if I made you give up on me. But I'm back. Sort of. Hopefully. And I'm going to try and stay this time.