Two people came to work today wearing tags saying something like sister of the something.. something ..of JESUS CHRIST etc. To be honest I couldn't see exactly what was written without rudely staring. But the Jesus Christ part was very eye catching. And well it made me wonder. Why do people wear things that show off their religion? There are so many people that come with crosses around their neck, the Verbum Dei pinned to their clothes and rosary beads worn as a bracelet. I wonder, do they really need to show the whole world that they are Christians? And not only that but they seem to assume that you believe like them. That we are related just because we believe in the same man.
And sometimes when I'm talking to a nun I feel like blurting out the words " I don't believe". I feel like waving my arms and shouting " Hey look at me. I'm a non- believer. Will you shun me now? Will you think of me differently? Will you ask for someone else to be of service to you?"
Because I do not think less of a believer. True, my skin seems to repel nuns and priests but I guess that's from past and present experiences. I mean seriously last time a nun left the shop with 10 euro worth of stuff she was supposed to pay! But that's beside the point. My point is why do believers look down on me and think of me as a lesser person when I accept them as they are?
They pity me because for them I'm a lost soul. I pity them because they're naive. Sometimes, just in those moments of crises when the problems and the loneliness hit you like a knife in your gut, I envy them. I envy their gullibility, their credulity, the hope and trust they put in what I see as fairytales. Because, sure I would love to unload all my problems onto someone else. I would love to say a few words and let others solve my problems. But that's not how it's done is it? And we Maltese have two expressions that I always thought showed the tiny doubt edged in the enormous land of belief. "Fin-niżla kull qaddis jgħin " and "Għin ruħek biex Alla jgħinek " which translated lightly means that you still need to work your ass off to solve your problems.
So that leaves us where? Me the non-believer on one side and you the cross holder on the other. But is there really a difference between my world and yours? We both get sick. We both get heart-broken. We both have douche-bags and bitches. We both have people that we cannot see our lives without but one day we will be forced into it. So why the smug face? You're no more privileged than me. Clouds rain on me and on you. Wind blows both of our hairs into tangles. The difference? You blame your God for all that happens, I say fuck it and move on.