I'm turning twenty in two days time. 20. Two decades. I will not be called a teenager anymore. I'm an adult now. Oh shit.
When you're younger you think that twenty is something very far away. And as a little girl I thought I would have conquered the world by now. Well we can all say that that plan didn’t work out!
And for twenty years I can't say I have a lot of success to show for it. I mean apart from the years I spent in nappies and following that potty training where are my accomplishments? I have O'levels, ECDL and A'levels but everyone has those. I have an expired first aid certificate. I have a quite a few unfinished stories and an unfinished book. A year at university in a course I hated. Hair, which I can't remember its original colour, and approximately the same height since I was fifteen. I've basically never been abroad (I mean seriously who counts a day in Sicily as being abroad?). I don't have a license and I'm half way through another first year in University. And the only thing I'm using out of all this is my x2 timetable for my very tough and mind boggling work at Tal-lira.
That's not much is it. I mean you'd think you would have accomplished more in twenty years for fuck's sake! But maybe I did. I don't have a gazillion of certificates. The only kind of identification I have is my I.D. which still has a big fat 16+ on the side because I'm too lazy to go and change it. But I do have memories. I have a huge library of them. I have a collection of laughter, tears, happiness, anger, disappointment, pride. I'm surrounded by very special friends. I have a family who loves me. People who seem to think I'm worth keeping in contact with. People who trust me with their secrets, who have shared their best and worst moments with me, who seek my advice. People who make me think that maybe I'm not such a failure after all. People without whom I wouldn't be who I am today. People without whom I would be still a little lost ugly duckling.
That said it doesn't mean I'm anywhere near being a swan. But I do know I've changed. I've gained more confidence. I can defend myself. I'm no longer the quiet girl everyone forgets about soon after they met. I'm still not a social butterfly and at this stage I've accepted that I'll never be one. But that’s not a disappointment. I'm surrounded by great people. I may not know everyone but I do know the people I care about well.
I have scars left from bad experiences. I have numerous of embarrassing moments, most of them having booze as a protagonist. I have memories which leave a warm feeling in my heart. I have gained enough confidence to start this blog. I have aims and projects and plans. I look forward to my future without being scared. I have the weapons needed so that in another decade I won't say I have nothing to show for it.
So no I don't have any concrete accomplishments to show. There are no certificates attached to my life CV. But that doesn't mean I've wasted twenty years of my life. It's just means I've been preparing for the rest of my life.
I guess that's not so bad after all.