I shut up. I shut down.

I numbed my feelings to the world. I ignored the things that annoyed me because it felt like I wasted to much energy. I silenced myself, my voice, my words.

I shut up. I shut down.

I took a break from feelings. I needed a break from feeling helpless, hopeless and useless. I took a break from sadness, regret, pain. But inadvertently I took a break from happiness, hope and faith. And no I don't have I don't have religious faith. But faith that books, and films, and art and music can really bring a change in the world. Faith that what I'm doing, although will probably never give me job security, can possibly help someone, cheer someone up, brighten their day, bring hope in their world.

All I had left was anger, resentment and cynicism.

I stopped writing. I sit down and stare at my writing journal. I jot down mediocre notes about topics I used to argue vehemently about.

I gave up. I stopped fighting. I lost my voice.

I shut up. I shut down.


Breathe in, breath out

Breathe in, breath out
Trembling hands, antsy and impatient
Angry skin, red and blotchy
Fingers that cannot keep still

A heart beating faster than a bird’s
Lungs unable to extract the oxygen inhaled
Veins allergic to their own blood
A brain that cannot seize thinking

It’s a lost soul wandering among the living
Lovers with no love left to give
A man of god without his faith
A child who doesn't recognise his mother

The sleepless night, in a sleeping world
The vacuum of silence in a noise-filled place
The unsaid words between old friends
The distance of the heart, when two bodies unite

It’s the quiet before a storm
But it’s always darkest before the dawn
And the night withholds all sounds
Breathe in, Breath out